Between a Rock and a Hard Place
by Scribbler
Summary: Goofy never thought there could be anything more dangerous than fighting Heartless. Shows what he knows. Humour fic.


**Disclaimer****: **Competitively not mine.

**A/N****:** Written for the 179th challenge over at KH Drabble, the prompt of which was 'conflict'. I swear, however, that this ficlet would not have come about if I hadn't found my _Mickey's Twice Upon a Christmas_ DVD yesterday and remembered how aggressively competitive Minnie and Daisy got during their ice dancing contest.

* * *

_**Between a Rock and a Hard Place**_

© Scribbler, March 2009.

* * *

Goofy looked down with growing alarm. To say he was torn would be a heartless understatement.

Heartless – ha! Facing an army of the things would be easier than this.

"Well?" Daisy's voice had a sharp edge.

"Um…" He looked around frantically. "Gawrsh, I don't -"

"Now, Daisy." By comparison, Queen Minnie's was sweet, yet Goofy detected something underneath her conciliatory tone. People thought he was stupid because he spoke like a hick and his thoughts sometimes bumped together like dumplings in a stew, but he was remarkably astute where danger was concerned. There was still sharpness in her voice, but more like a butter knife that'd been taken to a whetstone. He imagined it was the tone she used when reminding her husband that, warrior king or not, he was still expected to turn up for dinner and make small-talk with his wife now and then. "Don't put undue pressure on him. We want to make sure this is a fair decision." She patted Goofy's shoulder. It was easy in spite of their height difference, since he was sitting down and she was standing. "Right, Goofy?"

"Um, yes ma'am."

Daisy frowned. She was the queen's Lady in Waiting, but long ago she'd befriended a shy princess like she was any other girl. That informality had never really worn off. It came out in times of stress, or when Minnie worked herself into exhaustion during King Mickey's absences, and Daisy had to forcibly make her rest. They had an odd relationship for women who were supposed to be mistress and servant. Right now, for example. How many other queens spent the morning in the palace kitchens?

"That doesn't mean he has to take all day."

"Take all the time you need, Goofy," Minnie said smoothly. Her tone unnerved him.

He could see Donald peering around the doorway with a fearful expression. King Mickey had locked himself in his study under the pretence of signing documents that had built up during his last few expeditions. He usually hated paperwork. His excuses for not doing it were legendary.

Not that they could have done this anyway. Each had a biased stake in the outcome, and the consequences of choosing wrongly were more than even a Court Magician or a Keyblader were willing to risk.

Goofy gulped.

"But," Minnie continued, twitching in a way that made her crown glint, "make sure you choose correctly."

"Stop trying to influence him!" Daisy cried.

"Would I ever be so dishonest?" Minnie said primly.

"Yes," Daisy answered without hesitation.

"I'm a respectable queen."

"But this isn't a matter of state." Daisy leaned forward, hands braced on the table. "This is a matter of honour, so all bets are off."

Minnie mirrored her. Goofy felt like a tugboat passing under the half-raised sides of some monolithic bridge – which could come crashing down on top of him at any moment. "Now _that _we agree on."

Donald whimpered.

As one, queen and lady turned their heads.

"Go on, Goofy," Daisy said, eyes fixed sideways on Minnie.

Again Minnie mirrored her, yet Goofy knew, with the same self-preservation instinct of all men in the presence of too much oestrogen, that they could see him perfectly, right down to the sweat edging down his collar. "Yes, do," she said, deceptively soft. "Tell us whose cupcakes are best."

Goofy stared down at the two plates. Perhaps if he wished hard enough, a dark portal would open between them, spewing wriggly black bodies everywhere, and he could get out of this alive.

_Gimmie a Heartless army any day._

* * *

_**Fin.**_

* * *


End file.
